


The Dark Days // Sanders Sides Fic

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Logan Angst, M/M, Other, Patton Angst, Roman Angst, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Sanders Sides angst, Virgil Angst, longfic, ongoing fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24084433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Patton isn't as happy as he seems.He never really has been. The light that danced inside his heart slowly flickered out until it was nothing but a dull, gray bulb of inky misery.Virgil is determined to ignite it once more.(Patton-centric Sanders Sides ongoing fanfic)
Relationships: Logicality, Prinxiety
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	1. Dad

**Author's Note:**

> This is an ongoing Sanders Sides fanfic, and some heavy topics will be talked about in this story.
> 
> Topics such as self harm, self hate, suicide, and eating disorders. If you are sensitive to these kinds of things, please find another story to read. If you're okay with these, then feel free to read on.
> 
> This story is Patton and Virgil centric, with platonic Moxiety and Logince, and romantic Prinxiety and Logicality.
> 
> I am also posting this fic on Wattpad, though updates will likely be slower there because I’m actually using a schedule. Here, I will post chapters whenever I finish them.

Patton was like a dad to him, although Virgil would never admit it. The father-like side knew more about him than any other living being, and he hated to say it, but he genuinely trusted him. Of course, being anxiety, he had his doubts. What if Patton found out too much? What if he told the others? Hell, what if he'd already told the others, and that's why Roman had recently been looking at him funny? What if, secretly, the happy-go-lucky man hated him for all of his issues? What if he left him, what then? Virgil felt that he'd gotten too comfortable with Patton, but maybe, just maybe, that wasn't a bad thing.

Currently, he was having a rather poor start to the day. He lied limp on his mess of a bed, staring up at the ceiling. He viewed the glow-in-the-dark stars through the blackness of his room, recalling when Morality helped him set them up. The memory put a smile on his face, and made his miserable morning just a little better.

"Anxiety!" Patton had called from down the hall, "Anxiety! You in there, kiddo?" The anxious side had been brooding in his room per usual, trying to calm his jittery nerves when he heard Morality's voice through his door, accompanied by three soft knocks. With anyone else, he would've groaned in annoyance, but something about Patton made him feel safer. Cautiously, he trudged over to the entrance to his room and cracked the door open.

On the other side stood Morality, both his hands hidden behind his back like he had some sort of surprise, a large grin blessing his features, a shine in his eyes. Anxiety hadn't said anything, only stood and waited for the happy side to tell him why he was here. He was curious, but he wasn't going to speak. Still, he didn't trust him. He didn't trust anyone- not Logic, not Creativity, and not any of the others who had been dubbed as "dark sides."

"Anxiety!" If possible, Morality's face lit up even more before quickly shifting to look guilty, almost apologetic. "I thought I'd drop by and say hello, and also.." Once again, his expression dropped. "I'm.. sorry about Roman, kiddo," he sighed, looking up at him sympathetically, "he gets like that sometimes, and he's not too good at giving warm welcomes, I'm sure he'll come around eventually! In the meantime, though, I wanted to make it up to you!"

The side had revealed what was behind his back- a small box, held shut by some scotch tape. On the front, written in light blue lettering, was ‘For Anxiety.’ There was a big heart underneath the words too, drawn with glittery pink, and messy sketches of similarly made stars littered the box. "A little birdie told me that you liked space, so I thought I'd give you these! I used them as nightlights when I was younger and they really helped me out, but I don't need them anymore, so I want you to have them!" His face was estatic once more, and Anxiety looked at him with wide eyes.

Was this really meant for him? Morality would do such a kind thing for someone who was literally the embodiment of anxiety? It kind of made sense though, in a weird way. He was such a nice guy, of course he'd do this- he'd do it for anyone. He was Morality for gods sake. But he was Anxiety. He probably just pitied him or something, like everyone. Yeah, that was it. Pity.

The dark side took a deep breath in, looking from Morality to the box, and forced a slight smile. "I, uh.. thanks, Morality," he said in slight shock, gently cradling the box like it was a baby once it was placed in his arms. The dad side seemed proud, his grin returning, "of course, kiddo! It's the least I could do! Now if anything happens, don't be scared to come to your 'ole Padre!" With that, he began to return down the hallway, a sudden pang hitting Anxiety in the chest- one that made him call out for the other side.

Morality was quick to stop and look over his shoulder, cocking his head to the side as if asking a question. The anxious side cleared his throat, now regretting his decision but knowing he couldn't go back. He asked quietly, "do you think you could maybe, I dunno.. help me set these up?" 

He thought it was impossible to see Morality smile any brighter, but he was so, so wrong.

His beam was so bright, it could've lit an entire city and more. He practically bounced with excitement, eyes glimmering like stars in the beautiful night sky. "Of course, Anxiety!" He said with nothing but genuine happiness, nearly skipping into Anxiety's room once the stunned side stepped out of the doorway, "let's get started!"

Virgil wished that times were still like that. He wished that he had the courage to ask Patton if he wanted to hang out sometime, but he couldn't. What if something went wrong, what if he said no? And if he said yes, then what would they do? Virgil wasn't prepared for anything of the sort, and he didn't even know where to begin with that. It was unfortunate, really. He wanted so badly to build his relationship with the side, but he just couldn't.

With a heavy groan, he made a valiant attempt to shove himself off his back and sit up, however the attempt was unsuccessful. He fell back onto the black bedsheets with an exhausted sigh, feeling generally weak. It was as if his bones were brittle, and would snap if he decided to put a little too much pressure on them. But he remembered that he promised Patton he'd be out for breakfast today, and it was motivation enough.

With great effort and about ten minutes of time, finally, he was on his feet, standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom. He'd just finished applying his eyeshadow, going a little darker than usual to better represent his mood, and was now looking over himself in the mirror. Not because he liked how he looked or anything- that was Roman's thing. He was instead trying to check if he appeared, well, humane. Approachable. Not a complete and utter failure of a person.

Once Virgil decided he looked the best he could probably get, he headed out of his room and closed the door behind him with a small click. 

He took careful movements down the stairs that lead to the dining room, not wanting to trip like he'd once seen Morality do. He remembered Patton dashing down the stairs on Christmas morning to greet everyone, but he ran so fast that his foot got caught on one of the steps and he was propelled across the room. It had been lucky that Logan was conveniently walking through the room when this happened, as Patton had crashed into him and they landed underneath a mistletoe Virgil had helped Roman plant the day before. Logan had stubbornly refused to kiss, although his face had gotten as red as Roman's sash. Said romantic side teased them about that generally often now.

Virgil peered into the dining room, the only one sat at the four-person table being Roman. A salad decorated with different fruits sat in front of him, and he chipped away at it as time went on. Right now, about a third of it was gone. Looking in the kitchen, he could see Patton and Logan. Patton wore a light blue apron that read ‘Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!’ in bold, white letters, and white oven mitts with rainbow lines, dots, and patterns all over them. He reached into the oven carefully, pulling out a batch of chocolate chip muffins. Logan, meanwhile, was pulling two pieces of toast out of the toaster. He placed them symmetrically on a clean white plate on the counter and glossed both of them in Crofters. Once they were a sandwich, he took the plate and a cup of coffee and approached the dining table.

Before sitting down, he acknowledged Virgil. "Salutations, Virgil. I hope you are having a good morning. Patton was kind enough to have already set out your breakfast food of choice at your seat," he informed him, setting his items in front of him at his seat at the table. Virgil never really understood why Logan chose to make his sentences so wordy, but didn't judge him nonetheless. He was logic, after all, so it kind of made sense. If he was logic though, wouldn't he be smart enough to know that making his sentences so long was unnecessary?

Virgil didn't say anything that ran through his mind though, muttering a simple thanks as he sat down at his preferred seat at the table. Across from Logan and next to Roman, and Patton would sit on the other side of him. He looked down at the cereal, prepared just how he'd liked. The milk hadn't been poured yet though, a cold glass of it left beside the bowl. Patton knew that Anxiety liked having the satisfaction of pouring it over the cereal himself.

Once the food was fully prepared, Virgil picked up his spoon and started eating, the taste waking him up fully. It didn't take long for Patton to place a plate of a dozen muffins in the center of the table, each of which decorated with different colored frosting. Three were purple, three light blue, three dark blue, and three red. Each of them had a different face on them, either a dog or a cat.

"Oh, these are spectacular, Patton!" Roman exclaimed, picking up one of the muffins with red frosting, "and adorable, too!" The complimented side gave a laugh, taking his rightful seat at the table between Virgil and Logan. "Aw, thanks kiddo! I'm glad you like them," he smiled, watching carefully as the logical side reached forward and took a dark blue one. "I will admit," Logan said, "these are quite adequately decorated, and the design is visually pleasing." Roman was already biting into his as Logan continued to scan the one that was now set on a napkin beside his plate. This left Virgil to be the last one.

The anxious trait lifted a purple muffin from the tray and held it in his hands. The small kitten design stared back at him, its mouth looking like a sideways three. Its eyebrows were pointed down, making it look adorably fierce. Virgil huffed in amusement, commenting "cute" before he bit into it. The inside was purple.

Patton had really perfected his chocolate chip muffin recipe, hadn't he? This was even better than the last time he made them. Said side seemed to notice Virgil's expression and laughed, "I'm glad you all like them!" Logan, who had just taken a bite and finished chewing, spoke, "indeed, Patton. These are very satisfactory."

"Well, Patton, aren't you going to have yours?" Roman spoke up, noticing that all three light blue muffins still remained.  
Patton waved him off, "I'll have mine later, I'm not very hungry right now." While the other two didn't acknowledge it as much, Virgil immediately grew worried. He quickly became suspicious of Patton, eyeing him curiously.

Virgil remembered when he first started being with the light sides. All the meals he skipped because he didn't have the strength to eat coupled with the fear of being rejected and hurt the moment he stepped out of his room. He knew the ache of lack of food in your stomach, and how that ache only grew and grew until you spilled out your guts and nothing but your organs was left. Even the smallest amount of food, you can no longer keep down. And all of this, for what? Virgil had done it because he was scared and weak, but Patton?

Why would Patton do it?

Patton was strong and Patton didn't really have a reason to be afraid, so why wasn't he eating? Virgil was confused for a moment before he realized that his situation wasn't everyone's. Maybe Patton had another reason, or maybe no reason at all. Maybe he liked the pain- that was far fetched, but Virgil didn't know. He didn't know much about Patton, now that he thought about it. He knew so much about him, yet the dark side barely knew anything other than how badly he wanted a cat despite being allergic, and how skilled he was at baking just about any pastry.

"Virgil, kiddo? You're spacing out there," he heard Patton's voice distantly, but ignored it. He was too lost in his mind to really care, not realizing that his breathing was beginning to pick up. Roman shared a worried glance with Logan, the logical side adjusting his glasses and stating, "I believe he is disassociating." "What is that supposed to mean?!" Roman seemed to grow upset, abruptly standing from his seat with his hands flat on the table.

Logan had no reaction to him, responding blankly, "to disassociate is, to put it simply, to 'space out.' Meaning that Virgil likely cannot hear or see us right now because he is focused on his mind." Patton carefully stood from his seat and approached Virgil as Roman angrily asked, "then how do we knock him out of it?!" The more questions Roman insisted on, the more Logan's temper seemed to grow. It didn't take long before the two were yelling at each other over Virgil's current state, Logan trying to tell Roman to calm down from his soon-to-be blinding rage. The royal side, however, didn't listen. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so furious, but he couldn't control it. Something was wrong with Virgil and he had to fix it.

Patton ignored all the noise, instead gently placing his hands on Virgil's shoulders and rubbing soothing patterns into them. The darker side tensed, and it relieved Patton- at least he wasn't completely frozen. He whispered, "breath, Virgil. In for seven, hold for eight, out for nine."

He could feel Virgil's inner panic like it was his own. Patton, being Thomas's main source of emotion, was naturally what was known as an empath. If he knew someone, he could experience their emotions, too. He understood. He knew what Virgil's panic was like and he knew how frequent his attacks were, how often his mind would spiral. He knew that Logan really did have emotions, he just repressed them. He even knew about how insecure Roman was about everything.

It was a lot of emotions to handle all at once, sometimes. They could become so much that he would forget which emotions are his, and which belong to the other sides. But that was okay. Because if he took the bad emotions from the others, then they couldn't feel it as much. All he had to do was pretend he never did a thing.

Right now, Patton felt a lot. He felt his own worry for Virgil, which was almost tripled by Virgil himself and his panic. And then he felt Roman's concern and anger, and Logan's annoyance. Deep breath in, hold, deep breath out. Seven, eight, nine. He kept his cool as best he could, eyes closed as he continued doing his best to comfort Virgil.

He suddenly felt a hand overtop his left hand that had been rubbing circles into the darker sides's shoulder. He opened his eyes to see Virgil looking back at him, a faint, thankful smile on his lips. He looked tired. Patton couldn't help but return the smile, taking his hands back.

The dark side stood from his seat, his expression dropping to one far more threatening.

"Roman. Logan."

The room immediately fell dead silent, the two mentioned sides freezing at the sound of Virgil's voice. Roman's eyes widened and he put his hands up in defense, "Virgil! I'm sorry, I was just paran-"

"Can it, Princey," the dark side growled, staring daggers at both sides. Patton stood behind him, taking in the situation silently. He hated the tension in the room, but wasn't sure he could do anything about it.

Virgil inhaled before beginning to speak, "you're both fucking idiots for arguing about this instead of actually doing something about it. I get it, you were worried, but that was just plain stupid." Logan bit back his argument of defense, feeling guilty as Roman looked away uncertainly. Virgil would've continued, but he was far too tired and upset to care much. He simply sighed, shook his head, and sank out after glancing back at Patton instead.

Patton immediately felt heartbroken, staring at the place where the dark side once stood. "I.." He didn't know what to say, but the water was welling up in eyes. The other two sides looked at him with concern, and Patton shook his head. "No," he stated, "you two should make up. I'm gonna go check on Virgil." Before either side could react, the lighthearted side was already gone.

".. we really messed up, didn't we?" Roman asked quietly, gripping the collar of his shirt and pulling it as if he were trying to cool his own nervousness. Logan didn't look at him, beginning to state, "you messed up. I was simply trying to ex-"

He cut himself off upon seeing Roman's expression out of the corner of his eye, one of shock and betrayal. The logical side sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, quickly feeling the regret build. He gave it a second thought, before deciding that an apology was in order.

"I apolo-" No, that wasn't the right word. Logan remained silent for a couple seconds as Roman waited uncomfortably and nervously. This had to be right, he knew. He knew that what they both had done was wrong, and the dramatic side wasn't the only one at fault. Finally, he uttered out, "I'm sorry, Roman. That was.. uncalled for, and we are both in the wrong. Perhaps we could put this behind us?"

Roman was surprised, in all honesty. Never did he think Logan, the side of logic, would say that he was wrong, or even apologize. Roman wasn't going to be petty. With a smile, he responded, "of course, Logan. And thank you for saying sorry, I really do appreciate it."

The logical character cleared his throat, nodding as he processed what he'd said and done. It was too late to take it back now, not that he regretted it. He was glad he could properly get along with Roman for once. However, his mind quickly wandered back to Virgil and Patton.

"Perhaps we should check on the other two?" Logan asked, Roman's eyes widening as he quickly responded with a nod. "Yes, we certainly should- even Patton was upset about it."

Patton was upset about it. Virgil was, too. But Patton hid his emotions when Virgil couldn't.

The lighter side sat with his arms around Virgil, cooing soft words into his ears as he panted and struggled to breath. Physical Thomas had probably been feeling all of this, and Virgil felt terribly guilty for it, but he couldn't control it. He was anxiety, he could barely even control himself. Patton's words managed to ground him, his soft voice asking, "Virgil, five things, okay? What're five things you can see?"

He blinked through his tears, vision blurry as he gazed around his room, trying to remember the names of each object. Instead of an object, he managed to utter out the color "purple." Not exactly ideal, but Patton certainly seemed proud. "Good, good Virgil! What else can you see?" His voice remained soft despite the exclamation inside his voice.

"Curtains." The curtains that were decorated with little spider designs- they blocked most light out of his room. He remembered having to help Patton get over his fear of them- his fear of spiders in general. Patton still didn't like them, but he didn't start screaming as soon as he saw one now. Morality praised the panicking side again as he listed three more objects, and then they moved on to touch.

"You're doing amazing, Virgil. Now what are four things you could feel here?" Patton kept his arms gently and comfortingly wrapped around Virgil's shivering figure, wishing he could do more to help. But if he sucked away the anxiety he was feeling, that'd just give him his own panic attack. Before he tried anything, he'd need to calm Virgil down first.

He pulled his fingernails out of his palms and ran his hands across the warm purple and black blanket that was laid across his lap. It was a gift the other sides had given him shortly after they realized he wasn't as bad as he seemed to be. The material was just as soft as the day he received it.

"Blanket," he muttered out, before his hand grazed his sweatpants- he'd been too tired to put on his usual black jeans this morning. "Cloth," Virgil added, hearing Patton's hum of approval and a supportive "great, Virgil. Two more." 

He ended up naming his bedsheets and Patton's embrace around him. Patton praised the side once again, and asked him what three things he could hear. Breathing, his own voice, and Patton. Good. Two things he could catch the scent of in the air- lavender and chocolate chip muffins. Lastly, one thing he could taste. The cereal he'd eaten maybe half an hour ago.

The duo listened from outside the door, Roman pressing his ear up against the entrance with curiosity filling him to the brim. This seemed like a regular occurrence- was it a normal thing for them? Of course, this made the creative side worry, but he pushed it aside, casting a glance that asked "so?" to his logical counterpart.

"I believe we should go," Logan spoke quietly, "we can discuss this with them tomorrow. For now, we are breaching their privacy." Begrudgingly, Roman agreed and they went their separate say ways.

Virgil lied in Patton's arms on the bed, staring up at the glowing stars on his ceiling. This was nice. Patton practically radiated warmth, and Virgil's cold form shared it with him. Virgil wished everyone day was like this. Just laying down with Patton, looking up at the stars in peace. He wished everything was as peaceful and calm as this moment.

He felt himself growing tired quickly. A deep breath in, his heart rate began to speed up as he contemplated whether he should speak or not. He wanted to ask Patton before he fell asleep, but what if he said no? What if he got mad at him, or what if he-

Patton isn't like that, Virgil managed to cut off all of his other thoughts, the anxiety seemingly draining from his system. Patton is good. Patton wouldn't say no, if anything, he'd be happy to. The childish side would probably even be content with simply talking over some food or something easy like that.

Virgil's voice came out timid. "Hey, Patton?" 

"Yeah, Virgil?" His voice sounded a little drowsy, but calm and alert at the same time. Patton was good at sounding like a sleepy dad whenever he was tired.

Virgil asked hesitantly, "can we maybe hang out tomorrow?"

Patton smiled lightly, pulling Virgil just a little closer to him. "Of course, kiddo," he assured, "I've got just the thing in mind. I'll come get you tomorrow morning, okay? It'll be a surprise."

He drowsily nodded, practically half asleep at this point. "M'kay, Pat," he whispered, "g'night." His eyelids dropped shut as Patton rested a hand gently on his forehead.

"Goodnight, Virgil. Sleep well." 

Patton didn't leave Virgil's room until about five minutes later, carefully moving out of the bed. He tucked Virgil in with the soft blanket before leaving the room as quietly as possible, relieved that he'd grown resistant to the affects of Virgil's room after staying there so long so many times.

He returned to his room feeling unsatisfied and sick. 

He should've done better.


	2. Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Patton decide to bake some cookies together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you guys know, chapters typically won’t be put out this quick. Hopefully around twice a month, but I can’t be certain. Hope you enjoy!

The empath didn't sleep that night, but that was okay. After he comforted Virgil, he'd gone straight to his room and didn't come out for the rest of the day. Virgil hadn't either, but that was generally normal with him. The other two sides were worried when they fell asleep that day, but did their best to brush it off. They'd agreed to talk to them about it today, after all.

Patton stared up with empty brown eyes, feeling the weight underneath them. He heaved a sigh before using his sore arms to push himself into a sitting position, a small sense of regret filling him. He pushed it away from his own mind however, glancing at the cat-themed clock on his bedside nightstand. It was already noon. A panic quickly filled Patton as he threw himself out of bed and put his cat onesie on, the cat paws at the end of the long sleeved making him feel a little better.

He headed to his bathroom after that, brushing through his hair and cleaning his teeth, being sure to floss as well. It was a routine that he luckily hadn't been able to break. This wouldn't have seemed like much for another person, but it meant a lot to him. It was something he could depend on to be the same every day.

As he walked to the kitchen in the mind palace, he put on a big smile, seeing Logan and Roman sitting at the dining table, both eating different types of cereal. A rush of guilt surged through Patton as he realized he should've set his alarm and made them breakfast like they liked instead of them having to do it. His grin faltered, but he forced it to stay.

Roman noticed him and his expression changed to one of happiness. He waved at him, "padre! You're up later than usual!" Logan gave him a suspicious glance which he ignored, responding, "yeah, sorry kiddo! Missed my alarm." The prince-like side looked at Patton understandingly, "of course, take your time!"

Patton thankfully nodded, passing the dining room and finally entering the kitchen. He searched the cabinets and found the pans and bowls he needed, and was now searching for the ingredients to make sugar cookies. He reached up at the very top cabinet to try to reach a bag of flour, but was surprised when a hand came from behind him, took it, and placed it in his hands. Patton looked behind him to see Logan.

Logan was the tallest side by only a little, Roman coming in close second. Virgil, shockingly, was a little over an inch taller than Patton, leaving him as the shortest. All of the sides were very similar in looks, but definitely had differences (well, except for Roman and his twin brother, but that's besides the point). For example, their eyes were all quite different. Virgil's eyes were a really pale shade of brown, almost gray. Roman's were more-so golden and hazel than brown, compared to Patton's honey ones. Logan's were a deep shade of brown, close to black. Their face structure was different as well, some having sharper or softer jaws than the others. Patton found it fun to spot all of the differences between them all.

"Salutations, Patton," Logan finally said, "I was curious of what you are planning on baking, and if I could be of any assistance to you." The light blue side felt bad at first, since Logan was being so kind and offering to help- almost seemed like he wanted to, truthfully- but it was a thing for just him and the side who he thought of as his own son.

Patton apologized, "sorry, Logan! I promised Virgil I'd hang out with him today, and we're baking sugar cookies together!"

"Baking what?"

Virgil leaned against the doorway, scanning over Patton's change in outfit with tired eyes. The eyeshadow he wore looked cracked like he hadn't bothered to wash it off and reapply it, and his jacket appeared oddly bigger on him today. Patton's fave lit up, "Virgil, you're awake! Sorry I didn't come get you, I was setting everything up." The anxious side seemed a little surprised, smiling at the thought of Patton wanting to prepare for something so simple. He felt slightly guilty because of how hard Patton worked, but tried to ignore it, allowing himself to be happy that they were going to spend a while together today instead.

Logan simply said that they'd all talk later and left the kitchen, returning to his seat at the table near Roman.

The lighthearted side clasped his hands together, "alright, kiddo! Do you think you could preheat the oven to 375 while I get out the rest of the stuff we'll need?" Virgil gave a small nod, turning and heading to the oven. He looked over the different buttons and knobs, remembering how he'd done this a couple times before. Him and Patton surprisingly used to bake around once or twice a month before, they just hadn't gotten the chance to lately.

As Virgil figured out the controls, Patton reached the baking powder and baking soda, setting them on the counter with the butter, flour, sugar, eggs, bowls, and vanilla extract. Patton heard the push of a button, meaning the oven was starting and Virgil had figured it out.

He didn't need to be told the next step, taking the whisk and a bowl. Virgil was about to pour in some flour when Patton stopped him, "don't forget your apron, kiddo!" Virgil sighed, attempting and failing to hide the smile on his face. He set the items down and headed over to a wall in the kitchen where they hung all the aprons. Virgil grabbed the black one with purple trim and purple words that read ‘I put the emo in lemon’ and put it on, tying it behind him. Patton made special aprons for everyone, even Roman and Logan.

Now that he was prepared, Virgil took two and three-fourth cups of flour, a teaspoon of baking soda, and half a teaspoon of baking powder in a bowl and whisked them together as Patton took a knife- perhaps sharper than it should've been for the job- and began cutting a stick of butter into small cubes. Patton glanced back at Virgil, smiling, "could you get a bowl and put a cup and a half of sugar in it?" 

He nodded and took another bowl from the counter, reopening the sugar and beginning to measure out the right amount. Then Patton shrieked suddenly, Virgil's anxiety spiking immediately as he left the items on the counter and rushed to see Patton.

A dash of red dripped onto the counter, onto the sliced butter, around his pointer finger. Virgil's eyes widened, "oh my god, Patton! I-I-"

But Patton was smiling through it, "kiddo, could you get me the hydrogen peroxide in the cabinet under the sink, and the bandaids next to it?" He asked, ripping a paper towel off of the role and wiping the counter, the knife, and his finger. Patton pushed the butter aside- he'd just cut up another stick after he cleaned this all up.

Virgil only bobbed his head up and down, acting quickly as his mind flooded with worries and wonders. Why was he so calm about this? Did he regularly have accidents where he'd cut himself? He breathed in. Seven, eight, nine. As he grabbed the small package of bandaids and the bottle of hydrogen peroxide, he thought about Patton. Patton was an experienced baker, it'd be rare that he would make any clumsy accidents like that. If he did, Virgil would've noticed.

Nonetheless, he rushed the supplies back to the injured side, who was pressing the bloody paper towel onto the wound so it wouldn't bleed as much.

Why did he know so much about blood?

Virgil set both materials on the counter next to the now unusable butter, and Patton cast him a reassuring smile. "Well, I might as well make this into a lesson, right?" He humored, leaving the paper on his finger and reaching into a drawer underneath the counter. He pulled out a flashlight- no, that was a blacklight, Virgil realized.

"Can you turn the lights off?" "S-sure," Virgil's response was quick and without question as he trekked to the other side of the kitchen, flipped the switch and returned. Patton held the light over the counter, and on it, Virgil could see something glowing. "That's the blood," Patton pointed at the very obvious stain on the counter, and then moved to point at the knife. A little glow was on the tip. Virgil watched carefully in shock- why the hell did Patton know this? He couldn't stop thinking it.

Patton got another paper towel and uncapped the liquid, dabbing it onto it. He wiped it across the stain on the counter, and suddenly it wasn't there. "Hydrogen peroxide cleans blood," the side said almost cheerfully, "I just thought you should know. It could always come in handy one day!"

The anxious side didn't reply, instead deciding to think on that. He asked, "what color bandaid?" Patton thought for a moment, looking at the colorful box before grinning, "how about purple?" Virgil only nodded before taking out a purple bandaid and wrapping it gently around the cut. He'd have to remind Patton to change and clean it later.

Patton then went on like nothing happened. He went to the fridge, and after a couple seconds, returned to the counter with a new stick of butter. He unwrapped it and was about to pick up the knife when Virgil said, "maybe I should cut it, Pat." The light side smiled, "yeah, maybe you're right. Go ahead!" Patton stepped aside, allowing Virgil to grab a butter knife, slice the dairy into different sections and drop it in the small bowl they'd typically melt or soften butter in.

He handed the bowl to Patton, who took it with a smile and headed over to the microwave. Virgil decided he'd get started with the other half of the recipe, having it thoroughly memorized by now. Crack a single egg in the bowl, smiling at the little face drawn on its shell, and drop in some vanilla. He put in a tiny bit extra, just for more flavor. He mixed those together and then added one and a half cups of sugar, beating those into each other too while waiting for Patton.

He heard the microwave go off, Patton returning shortly after and dropping the butter in. As Virgil continued to mix, Patton asked, "kiddo, do you think we should add some coloring to it?" Without food coloring, the cookies would come out a plain cream color, which Patton found a little boring. The other shrugged, "sure, why not? What color?"

"Pink sounds good," Patton grinned, searching the cupboards until he found the coloring. Once found, he uncapped it and dripped it progressively into the bowl Virgil was mixing until it was a light shade of pink. The duo then added the other bowl of ingredients, it slowly getting harder to stir. Virgil took a break and let Patton take over.

"Hey, Patton?" Virgil built up the courage to speak while Patton mixed. The light blue side hummed in response, not looking back at him but inviting him to speak. "How did you know so much about.. how to clean stains and stuff?" He managed to ask, his head tilted in curiosity and concern.

Patton laughed, but Virgil senses the anxiety behind it. "I used to be really clumsy when I first started baking," he explained, "it's just a trick I picked up over time, that's all. No need to worry."

Virgil, of course, didn't buy it. But he kept his mouth shut and nodded, pretending to understand. He'd talk to Patton about it later when the cookies were made.

Now was what Patton called his favorite part. Laying out the cookies. He'd always make them into shapes, specifically hearts. But sometimes he'd go the extra mile and make swords for Roman, glasses for Logan, stars for Virgil and little cat faces for himself. Today, however, Patton was feeling lazy. He'd just stick with hearts and let Virgil make whatever he wanted to.

They began to lay out what would soon become sugar cookies onto the baking sheet, a row of hearts already complete. Virgil, seeming bored, took at shot at making a small lightening bolt. It looked more like a squiggly line when he was finished, but Patton pat him on the back and seemed proud of him, making the darker side smile. His worries were gone in that moment.

"Are those cookies I smell?" Roman grinned, walking into the kitchen with an empty bowl and spoon- he'd just finished his breakfast and caught the scent in the air. Patton's face lit up, "hey Roman! Yeah, Virgil and I are making sugar cookies!" Roman, now interested, walked to the counter where the half-filled sheet was laid out. Confused, he pointed at Virgil's artistic attempt, "I know the other ones are hearts, but what's that one supposed to be?"

Patton started laughing at Roman's cluelessness, Virgil's face turning red as he looked away nervously, embarrassed. He mumbled under his breath, "lightning.." "Ah.." Roman looked at the piece again, "oh! Now I see it! Sort of.." He saw it for a moment before it returned to being a weird looking line. The light blue side finally caught his breath, "don't be embarrassed, kiddo, it looks really unique! I like it!" Virgil remained quiet, pulling his hood up to shadow his face while Roman looked over the soon-to-be-baked shapes.

"Can I help frost them once they're baked?" Roman asked, now seeming excited, his hands planted on his hips. Patton seemed happy that the prince wanted to help, "of course! Once we're done laying these out, it'll probably take about ten minutes to cook and then they need to cook for about five, but after that, you're welcome to decorate!"

Virgil moved to the fridge, his mind telling him he needed to check if they still had any frosting from the last time they used it. Luckily, they did- some black frosting, and then some white. He nearly jumped out of his own shoes when he heard Roman gasp, though he didn't know why such a small thing had startled him.

"Padre, who hurt you?!" Roman was protective almost instantly, holding Patton's hand with a finger gently glazing over the purple bandaid. The side nearly giggled, pulling his hand from Roman, "Roman, calm down! Just a little accident, that's all, no one hurt me!" It took a couple minutes of convincing, but eventually, Roman believed him and hesitantly left the kitchen to go elsewhere. He asked Patton to come get him once they were going to frost them, and of course he agreed.

Soon enough, Virgil was holding open the oven as Patton set the soon-to-be cookies in the oven. The anxious side closed it once they were in, the other taking a small phone from his pocket and setting a timer. "So, kiddo," Patton began as Virgil started the oven, "anything you wanna do while we wait?"

He was about to say something, but his gaze snapped to the doorway. Less than a second later, Logan entered, an empty bowl and spoon in one hand, a book on the other. He was reading rather intensely, so neither Patton or Virgil decided to disturb him. They instead watched as he set the bowl in the sink and paused there for a moment.

The logical side glanced at the corner of his book before closing it and tucking it away in his pocket, going to start doing the dishes. Patton was quick to stop him, "you don't have to, Logan, I can just do it later!" Logan's response was nearly instant, "it's okay, Patton. I enjoy cleaning, so I might as well accomplish this. You can go along with Virgil." 

He was smiling. Virgil immediately froze up, shocked- Logan didn't smile often, and when he did, it was important. But Patton didn't take note of it. He seemed relieved though, thanking Logan with a big hug before dragging Virgil out of the kitchen and to the living room, which was conveniently close to the kitchen. He practically jumped onto the sofa, picking up the remote, turning the television on and scanning through the channels. "What do you wanna watch?" Patton asked, "I was thinking maybe Disney, and we could invite Logan and Roman with us for a movie day, but it's up to you!"

Even if he wanted to, Virgil couldn't say no. He gave a small nod, Patton handing him the remote. "Great, thanks Virgil! Could you pick a movie? I'm gonna go talk to Logan!" The anxious side didn't get a chance to reply, because the other was already gone.

He heaved a sigh, staring at the large selection of movies. Virgil was indecisive, even more so when he was deciding for more than just himself. This might take a while. His anxiety was quickly building up with each title he read. What would the others like? Patton was bubbly and would definitely like something like The Fox and The Hound, but Roman would prefer something more adventurous like The Little Mermaid or Cinderella. Logan wouldn't really care, but if he had to choose, he'd likely enjoy something he could relate to, perhaps Frozen. His own opinion didn't matter of course, just if the others liked whatever he chose.

Patton skipped into the kitchen, greeting Logan right as his timer went off. He didn't bother ask the other to help him, instead grabbing the oven mitts, putting them on and beginning to open the oven.

"Wait- Patton!"

A towel on the kitchen floor that had been soaking up water slipped from under him and the burning oven door crashed down onto his leg, burning through the fabric of his onesie in seconds and reaching his skin. 

Patton didn't even have time to scream. Logan was already on the ground with him, the oven door slammed closed, a hand rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. "Patton, breathe. Four, seven, eight, okay?" Logan did his best to soothe the side who was now taking deep, shaky breaths in. He was shivering, covering his face with his hands.

Logan stood up, and went to the sink. He returned with a damp wash cloth and a bottle of pills. His heart was racing, though you wouldn't be able to tell from his expression. He looked so calm.

"Patton, I need you to take these," Logan said, "it's ibuprofen, you'll be okay." He had two of the pills in his hand, and he held them out to Patton. It took a second, but the side took and swallowed them. Logan wished he could've given him some water to go with it, but there just wasn't time. As Patton took the pills, Logan gently dabbed the wound with the cloth. At first Patton winced, but seemed to ease into it after a minute or so.

"You're doing well, Patton," Logan comforted his still shaking figure. Patton didn't reply. He felt weak, and stupid. How could he be dumb enough to let himself fall and get burnt? First his finger, now this. Today wasn't going his way at all- if anything, it felt like the world was against him.

He finally uncovered his face to look at Logan. The logical side seemed to focused and so caring despite his cynical nature, and Patton truthfully admired that. He thought that Logan was really sweet- he'd have to thank him after this and make it up to him. He knew it must've been annoying to deal with him- Patton was becoming more and more clumsy by the day due to the draining of his energy. Logan had recently been catching him spacing out.

Logan moved to open the cabinet underneath the sink, pulling out a roll of bandages. He proceeded to gently wrap the wound, telling Patton, "keep breathing. You're okay."

Once he was done, he set the bandages aside and looked to check on Patton. He wasn't shaking as much anymore, but his eyes were tearing up. He could see the light side attempting desperately to blink them away, only to freeze when one slid down his cheek.

This wasn't even that bad, Patton thought. He shouldn't be crying. It's just a burn, and a small, insignificant one at that. He was weak and pathetic for crying over such a stupid thing.

Logan held out a hand to Patton, which the side gratefully took after wiping away his tears. Before Patton got a chance to thank him, Logan carefully hugged his fragile figure. The typically cheerful side was surprised, as Logan wasn't one to give hugs. But he hugged back tightly, appreciative. "And don't consider apologizing or thanking me," he heard Logan tell him, "it is not your fault, and it's only logical I assist you."

Patton only nodded as Logan pulled away, "shall we now get the cookies out of the oven, together this time?" He couldn't help but smile and nod, "I'll hold the oven open and you can grab the sheet, okay?" It took maybe half a minute to take the sheet out and set it on the counter. The light side was about to leave the kitchen to get Virgil and Roman, but Logan stopped him. "I'll get the other two, you should not be walking much right now. We can frost the cookies and then watch films until content."

The light blue side agreed, watching as Logan left the kitchen. He sighed and let his smile drop. It always fell whenever he was alone.

He got the different colors of frosting from the fridge and began to decorate the hearts. All sorts of little faces and flowers, anything that came to mind, really. Patton didn’t really focus on it, not paying much attention to what he made. Mindless doodles.

It didn’t take long for the other three light sides to enter, Roman and Virgil quickly concerned about Patton’s second injury. Patton said he was fine.

As the four close-knitted sides returned to the living room for a day of binging movies, Patton only knew one thing.

He was not fine.


	3. Light Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The light sides all decide to watch some movies together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s another chapter! I’m expecting to have another one out by the end of next month at least, maybe one or two more!

The dad persona changed out of his onesie and gave it to Virgil, who promised that he'd sew it up. Standing in front of the body-sized mirror in his room, he looked over his appearance and his new chosen outfit.

His usual light blue collared shirt, of course, paired with soft, baggy gray sweatpants that had cute cat patterns all over them. That was okay, right? It wasn't his usual attire, but it would certainly do. Then he noticed his arms in the mirror and felt his chest sink. Grabbing the cardigan from off of his bed, he pulled it on and looked at himself again. Inhale. Four, seven, eight.

He was ready.

Roman skipped off to his room and returned less than a minute later dressed in his Beauty and the Beast onesie, throwing his arms in the air while singing Prince Ali. His struts were large and quick, and he practically threw himself onto the sofa, taking a cookie off of the coffee table gladly.

Of course, Logan remained in his black collared shirt and blue tie. He claimed that dressing up for such a simple event was childish and unnecessary. Roman tried to convince him to get out his unicorn onesie Patton had once given him, but was quickly shut down by the light blue side telling the bolder man that Logan could wear whatever he wanted to.

It was unusual that Virgil wasn't wearing his hoodie, but just for this occasion, it was tied around his waist to reveal a black long sleeved shirt with dark purple stripes, black sweatpants and black socks paring with the rest of his attire just fine. His eyeshadow was lighter than usual as well, a slight smile on his face.

Virgil was sitting on the in the way he always would, perched on the back, his legs dangling over the edge. Logan looked confused when he saw Virgil, questioning him as he always would, but fell quiet when Patton happily plopped himself underneath him, looking up at Virgil and laughing at his embarrassment.

Roman, who was on the other side of Logan, whispered to the logical side, "those two are like father and son and it's adorable." Logan didn't respond. He never quite grasped the dynamic of a father and his male offspring, to be brutally honest. Well, he understood it, of course, he just didn't get the emotional bond behind it. Then again, he hadn't had much emotional bond in his entire life. That made sense. Metaphorically speaking, could he consider Thomas to be his father?

He'd have to think on this later. Now wasn't the time for such topics.

"Ooh, Mulan!" Patton gasped as the screen showed the title, "good pick, Virgil!" The side reached down and ruffled his hair- shockingly, Virgil didn't seem to mind at all. With any other side, Logan thought, Virgil would've shoved them away and spewed some insult before sinking out to his room.

When had Patton and Virgil gotten so close? The cynical side tried thinking back, but he could only remember the cards, Patton helping Virgil out of a panic attack, and right now. Had he simply not noticed? No, Logan trusted himself. He was smarter than that. He would've noticed something so clear and so obvious. There were many words to describe Logan, but oblivious was not one.

He glanced to his right to look at Roman, who was already quite dedicated to the movie. Though, he knew the fanciful man wouldn't admit it. Logan has done some research, and found that the word 'tsundere,' a type of anime trope, fit his personality quite nicely. What a tsundere was, Logan wasn't a hundred percent certain. He did know, however, that tsunderes were people who acted like they hated something, or more specifically someone, when they truthfully liked them. He'd done some other research too, and discovered that the title 'kuudere' suited him, 'utsudere' matched Virgil, and 'deredere' described Patton.

Well, he was actually having second thoughts about Patton now. People didn't naturally know how to calm someone from panic attacks- it's something that you would typically learn from experience. Researching it isn't the same. So, if Patton didn't research it, he must've experienced it, and that made sense considering he was the main source of Thomas' emotions. And considering how effortlessly, how efficiently Patton had handled it? Patton must've had more than even Virgil, the embodiment of anxiety.

Or perhaps he was overthinking it, and the dad-like side was good with emotions because he was Thomas' main source of them. Somehow, Logan still doubted that. He was becoming too much like Virgil with all this overanalyzing, wasn't he? With a sigh, he leaned back into the cushions of the sofa and returned to his thoughts.

Logan, much like all of the other sides, had things he wouldn't admit. And right now, he wouldn't admit that he was worried about Patton. Patton never actually wore his cardigan, only tied it around his neck and called it style, but now we wore it and hugged it close to his body. Maybe it was because his onesie had gotten burnt and he was cold- that was reasonable, right?

Only it wasn't cold. It was quite warm, actually, precisely around ninety degrees. Unless Patton had some form of illness that made him unable to feel warmth, Logan knew something was up.

He decided that he would discuss this with Patton after the movies, taking a cookie from the platter on the coffee table and biting into it.

Roman was the loudest during the movie, and also the main place all the cookies were going. His eyes never once left the screen, and he was quite dedicated to not missing a single second of the film. The prince had always been one for Disney. Logan never really understood cartoons, but he didn't judge. He was logic, and Roman was creativity. Of course he wouldn't understand.

His eyes fell to Patton and Virgil again. How relaxed Patton looked, his knees pulled up to his chest as he watched the screen with curious eyes. Virgil above him, and how utterly context he appeared. Calm, for once.

Logan recalled something he hadn't remembered in quite some time now.

Before Anxiety had become a light side, Morality didn't have anyone. No one he felt he could really watch over and care for, no one to help and no one to give his endless affection too. His mental health had slowly been deteriorating, and it seemed to take a toll on the others. Logic eventually stopped smiling or showing his feelings, and Creativity wasn't quite as bold as he used to be. Morality was Thomas's main source of emotion, and now that he was unstable, everyone took the affects. Of course, the side himself had it worst of all.

One particularly unsettling and troublesome night, Logic sat at his desk, the lamp on, computer screen illuminating his face. He mindlessly typed away, nothing specifically. Whatever came to his head. Mostly plans for Thomas's future, though.

The door creaked open, and there stood Morality. Trembling with tears streaming down his cheeks, face reddened, looking as if he could collapse at any moment. He gripped onto the sleeves of his cardigan around his neck like they were his lifeline.

".. Morality?" Logic hadn't even gotten a chance to stand from his chair. Morality shut the door and practically threw himself into the logical side, sobbing and whispering apologies, finally broken. Logic found the position rather uncomfortable, but this wasn't about him.

The light blue side on his lap, he wrapped his arms around him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. "Morality, it's okay, I'm here. I'm here," he told him, hearing a pained sob escape the other. "Breathe for me, okay?" Logic encouraged, struggling to recall when he'd learned something about panic attacks, which was clearly exactly what Morality was experiencing.

"In for four, hold it for seven, and exhale for eight, okay? Like this," he began to adjust his breathing patterns, the other struggling to follow. Logic could feel his heart pressed up against his chest, and it was racing. So quickly, his dark eyes widened once he felt it. It was a series of hard, powerful thumps that must've hurt Morality.

After only a second of catching on, the side lost it again. He wrapped his arms around Logan tighter, gritting his teeth together as he barely cried out, "I can't do it, Lo! I can't!" At that moment, Logic noticed just how cold Morality was. Shivering, trying to gain some form of warmth from the analytical side.

"Morali-"

"It's Patton," he sobbed, nails digging into the back of Logic's collared shirt. And the cynical side was wordless. How was he supposed to respond to that? He had never been the best with emotions, especially recently, and now the very embodiment of emotions was crying in his arms. Perhaps that was a blunt way to phrase it, but it was true.

Logic just remained quiet and continued trying to sooth the other side, occasionally whispering words of support now with his name in it. It took white some time, but eventually, Patton seemed to have calmed, his hug loosened and body still. He'd fallen asleep.

A heavy sigh escaped Logic as he gazed from the exhausted side to the very late time in the corner of his desktop. With one sudden spurt of energy, he stood up holding Patton and managed to lay him down on his bed. He wrapped him up with a warm navy blanket in hopes that he'd become warmer before returning to the machinery. Before he went to bed, he'd do some research on what Patton had experienced. A little knowledge never hurt anyone.

Logic sat at his desktop, reading through all sorts of stories of people who suffered from emotional breakdowns and panic attacks, until he heart a timid voice behind him.

"Lo?"

The side turned around in his movable desk chair to see Patton standing there, the blanket still hung around him. He gripped onto some parts of the blankets to keep it from falling off of him, almost like he needed it. Judging by how uncertain Patton looked, his eyes remaining red from the events of last night, it was completely reasonable.

"Actually," the logical side seemed to hesitate for a moment before he offered a smile, "you may call me Logan, Patton." And Patton returned the smile, once again hugging Logan tightly, but this time, it wasn't in a way that made the other know he wasn't almost fearing for his life. It was comforting, and it was warm. Both sides felt safer than they had in a long time.

The dark blue side hugged back the best he could, knowing he wasn't the best at giving affection, but trying for Patton. He now depended on him, and Logan wasn't going to disappoint. He wanted to assist Patton any way he could. This was the first time Logan had felt so compelled to protect.

"Did you stay up all night reading about panic attack stuff..?" Patton sounded a little shocked, peering over Logan's shoulder to see the screen. An article about differences between panic attacks and anxiety attacks, read nearly halfway through. Logan had wanted to know everything about this topic he could in order to best aid his emotional counterpart.

As Patton released Logan, the latter side responded, "yes, however I did not mean to stay up so late." The logical side glanced at a clock in his room, noting that it was about eight in the morning as of now. Creativity was likely getting worried about them.

So, together, they faced the world beyond Logan's room. They found Creativity alone, picking at his nails out of boredom, some cartoon playing on the television. They sat with him, they talked, and they laughed. They shared names and goals, struggles and wishes, until they all fell asleep on the sofa at a rather late hour. It grew to be a daily routine, picking shows and staying out of their rooms instead of in.

They all had seemed genuinely happy. Patton wished that his happiness wasn't faked.

Logan missed that. He missed it a lot. He wished that he could be that close with Patton again, frequent hugs and nights staying over at each other's rooms, sharing laughs and jokes. He wished he could stay over with Roman again and have friendly debates, talk about old folklore and fairytales and stories they'd heard. He wished that all three of them could hang out in the living room and watch comedy shows until they passed out from laughing too hard again.

But then, nearly a week later, a fourth door appeared, pitch black. And at first, they all avoided it.

All but Patton, of course.

Patton would knock on the door every single day, asking for responses, giving whoever was behind that door some very kind encouragement. Eventually, whoever was on the other side started replying and the sad side became estatic. Sometimes, Logan swore he saw the door open just enough so that Patton could hand the other some food. That was simply the type of person Morality was. Generous, perhaps too much for his own good.

Then one day, when Logan and Roman were discussing Thomas' future goals on the sofa, a documentary about some kind of history playing in the background, Patton greeted them oddly happily. Behind him stood someone else neither of the two recognized.

"Hey, guys! I have someone I want you to meet!" His voice had been so cheery, so excited and so bright compared to the dark, dreary and nervous one of the side beside him. The other two sides had turned to look at Patton, and then saw the other side, who nervously stepped out with his hands shoved in his black and gray jacket's pockets.

He announced with a huge smile spread across his face, "this is Anxiety!"

From there, things started to fall apart.

Roman became angry. There were three light sides, not four. Whoever this 'anxiety' guy was, he didn't belong. All he'd do was hurt Thomas- he was anxiety, and there's nothing good about anxiety. Anxiety is a disorder, a disease, and it needed to be gone.

Logan was confused, but generally welcoming nonetheless. He didn't really mind until Patton started constantly hanging around him, leaving him alone with no one to talk to, no one to listen to him. After that, Logan became quieter. He only spoke when he felt the need to, when something had to be said, or when he wished to provide vital information for the current topic of discussion. Otherwise, he was stoic.

Patton was the happiest he had ever been, it seemed. When Logan wouldn't accept his hugs, Anxiety would, almost like he'd been starved of them. This only made Patton want to hang around him more, and show him what he must've been missing his entire life. It didn't take long before he was seeing him as his own son, and Anxiety saw him as a father. They depended on each other. 

The logical side didn't hate anxiety. He was quite fond of him, actually. He was easy to handle, and not as loud of energetic as the other too. He could be a little strange sometimes, of course, but he truly wasn't a bad guy.

No, Logan was jealous of him. Jealous of all the attention he received from Patton.

What did Anxiety have that Logan didn't?

Anxiety was a ball of nervousness and emo, the logical side knew that much. Was it his eyeshadow? His childish insults? Was it all the dark clothing he wore? The emotions? Or was it his backstory?

Sometimes Logan wished he was Anxiety. Because then, Patton would be close with him again. Really, Logan was o more touch starved than he let on, ever since Anxiety came around. Slowly but surely, his mental health began to deteriorate.

He watched as a background character, almost playing the role of supportive best friend only he wasn't really supportive. He'd simply acknowledge it and move on like it was of no importance to him. In the beginning, when Patton and Anxiety only slightly knew each other, the light blue side would still often hang out with the darker blue side as well as the red one. However, as time went on, their interactions became less and less frequent.

Logan's emotions would kill him one day. He swore they would. So he did his best to pretend he didn't have them.

His eyes seemed glossed over to Roman, who finally looked away from the screen once Mulan shot the mountain with a firework and it began to collapse over all the villains. With a sigh, he placed both hands on his shoulders and shook him, whispering, "hey, word nerd, snap out of it." Logan came out of his trance slowly, blinking a couple times before looking around and locking eyes with Roman. 

"You okay? You were really spaced out, or, what did you call it yesterday? Disassociation?" The dramatic side asked, confused and uncertain. After a short moment to process the prince's words, Logan nodded, mumbling out an "no, I'm perfectly adequate." He didn't bother say much. He could feel Patton and Virgil's gaze on him, and it only made him feel more uncomfortable than he already was. Logan didn't want to think about it- how he'd been replaced, in a sense, by the previously dark side.

He didn't pay attention to the screen for the rest of the movie, unable to focus anymore. The credits rolled and he blankly listened in on the conversation.

"Mulan is a good movie," Patton grinned, "what do we wanna watch next? We've got plenty of time!" Roman rested a hand underneath his chin, thinking far too in depth about such a simple question. So many amazing movies, not enough time to watch all of them in one sitting. He glanced down at his onesie and knew his answer.

Virgil interrupted before the prince could even get a word out, smirking at him, "Stockholm syndrome much?" Roman scoffed, "it's true love, storm cloud! Destined to be, kidnapped or not!" The darker side only rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath that Roman couldn't quite understand.

"Alright, Beauty and the Beast it is!" Patton decoded, reaching forward and grabbing the remote off of the coffee table. It took a couple minutes for him to figure out the controls, as Virgil would typically be the one to do this, but he managed to decipher it. He looked almost proud of himself as the Disney castle displayed itself on the screen, signaling the start to the film.

Virgil, about a third of the way through, was the first to fall asleep. He adjusted his position on the back of the sofa, oddly balanced so he wouldn't fall, and fell unconscious. He normally wouldn't have done such a thing, but the lack of sleep was probably getting to him.

Roman, after singing every single song until the last twenty minutes of the movie, let his drowsiness overtake him. He sank back into the couch, muttering something about his love for some kind of beast before he started snoring.

Quietly sighing, Morality stood up and stretched. Careful not to wake him, he picked up Virgil and lied him down where he was previously sitting so that he wouldn't fall off. He then simply moved to sit next to Logan.

The logical side wasn't blind. He noticed that the other's face was red and his clothes appeared slightly damp from heat. He spoke up, adjusting his glasses, "I suggest that you take your cardigan off, Patton. We wouldn't want you overheating and falling unconscious."

"No, no, I'm okay," Patton turned and offered a pain smiled to Logan, "it's not even that hot." An obvious lie. It hurt the logical side to think of why Patton would lie.

Logan really should have thought over his actions before he simply pulled Patton's cardigan off, tired of him being stubborn.

The air pressure in the room suddenly felt as if it had skyrocketed. Patton's eyes brimmed with tears and he started shaking, his face growing redder. He looked like he was about to have a complete breakdown, or he was going to flee.

Gently, Logan reached forward and wrapped his arms around Morality. The afraid side was motionless for a while, his entire body tense in the other's arms. But eventually, he tightly hugged back and choked on a sob. Logan held him there, doing his best to comfort him, and was reminded of the times before Anxiety.

He pushed the thoughts away before they could take over his mind. That wasn't important now. This wasn't the last, this was the present. What Patton and his relationship was like in the past didn't matter, he convinced himself. What mattered was his attempt to rekindle it. Logan wished he'd realized that sooner. Because now, Patton was hurt. How long he'd been hurting himself, the logical side could only guess.

There were some mostly faded scars that had likely been there before Patton started hiding his arms with bracelets and sleeves. Logan felt stupid for not realizing how much the light blue side hid his arms- he should've noticed something was up. He wasn't dumb, no, he was angry at himself. Not at Patton, at himself, for being so oblivious to Patton's now obvious pain.

".. how long have you been doing it, Patton?" He kept his voice soft, but in a strict way. Patton thought he sounded like a guidance counselor at a school.

The injured side was quiet. He wasn't as tense anymore, leaning into Logan's chest with his arms loosely hung around his shoulders. He whispered, tears still streaming down his face, "since before Virgil came."

"How long before that?" He silently scolded himself for being so blind.

Patton stuttered out, "m-maybe a year?"

Logan sighed and hugged the other tighter, whispering an apology to him. "Patton," he said, "I think you should start seeing Doctor Picani."

And just like that, Patton ripped himself from Logan's arms and ran.


	4. Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan goes to Virgil for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to write and edit this chapter in a day. Hope you enjoy!

There are multiple sides to every story. In this case, there were at least four. Yet no one appeared to know about Patton's issues except for Patton himself. On that topic, all the others were blank.

Logan sat frozen on the sofa, and his arms dropped to rest on his lap as the characters danced gracefully around screen. He practically glared at the colors, grabbing the remote and shutting the television off. Emotions bubbled through him. Too many emotions, he couldn't keep track of all of them. He thought that coming out here at precisely nine in the morning and watching some television would calm him down, but he was sadly mistaken.

Four, seven, eight, repeat. The first tries, he struggled, but eventually his breathing was steady. Stretching his arms and legs once he stood, he focused and sank into the ground.

He arose in front of Thomas, who was lounging on his sofa binging The Office for what had to be the fifth time now at least. “Hey, move, you're blocking- oh, Logan!" Thomas seemed to wake up at the realization of who stood in his view, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"What're you doing here, Logan?" Thomas asked, confused, "is something wrong?" Logan crossed his arms and cleared his throat, silently thinking that, yes, things are very wrong. Patton is hurt and Logan didn't know what to do about it or how to help, so he needed Thomas's assistance, or something like that.

The words that came out instead were much simpler. "Yes, I recently discovered that Patton has been.. injuring himself," he carefully phrased his words, "It is not your fault, just so you know, Thomas. I came to you for advice."

Thomas fell silent, a sickening pit filling his stomach at even the thought of Patton doing such a thing. How didn't he notice? One of the same things Logan asked himself. It likely hurt Logan more than himself, Thomas assumed, but it still hurt a lot. For a while he was quiet, struggling to find any words at all, before a stutter of a question fell from his lips.

"How long has he been doing it for?"

Thomas's mind was primarily controlled by Logan right now, as he was the one standing in front of Thomas. He had many of the same thoughts as his logic did. Logan quietly responded, "I asked him and he told me he's been doing it since before you met your anxiety. So, presumably for multiple years, if he didn't lie." The logical side doubted that Patton would lie- it was Patton, after all- but considering he'd hidden this for years now, it wasn't an unlikely possibility.

Hesitantly, struggling to take the information in, Thomas nodded. What could he do to help? His mind flurried with the idea of Patton hurt, Patton crying, and his heart- not Patton- couldn't take it. He sank back into the couch and bit down on his bottom lip, feeling guilty already.

"Thomas?" Logan noticed Thomas's silence and questioned him, his worry bubbling in his chest. Worry. Logan wasn't like this often. He never found a logical reason to be nervous, because he always had a plan for everything. Nothing could ever go wrong because he was intelligent and he knew he could handle anything.

Anything except for negative emotions involving others, he now knew.

The sensitive man let out a sigh, pulling his blanket tighter around himself and hugging his own figure comfortingly. Thomas shyly asked, "could.. could you talk to Virgil about it?" He stared up at Logan with teary eyes, "he'll probably know about that stuff and could help more than I can. I-I need some time to think."

Of course, Logan nodded, but couldn't help the pang of regret that shot into his gut. Logan didn't often feel regret, either, though he supposed now was a proper time for such an emotion to take place. He waved goodbye to Thomas and sank out, reappearing in front of Virgil's door.

The wood wasn't an inky shade of black anymore, instead painted a generally dark, classy shade of purple. Much more inviting, though still not what you'd call friendly. Logan wondered when Virgil had changed the color, but he couldn't recall. His best guess was that it changed when Virgil redesigned his outfit.

He brought his fist up to knock on the door, but stopped himself. It'd be best to have some form of plan instead of barging inside and asking about Patton. It was a sensitive topic, he was certain of that. So how could he approach it and still get the information he felt he required in order to assist Patton?

He could keep his voice soft, and his questions simple. Don't be intrusive, be aware that what he said could hurt Virgil. Be considerate of what Virgil feels, too, and keep him calm in the case that he begins to panic. He, himself should be calm as well. Be careful, be alert. Try to understand- that might be one of the most important factors, Logan decided in his head.

After standing frozen at that door for a couple minutes, his brain working like a calculator running through a complex equation, he was ready.

Swallowing his worries, he knocked three times on the door. On the other side, he heard Virgil's voice tell him to come in. So he opened the door and stepped inside, knowing he couldn't stay long. Perhaps he could ask Virgil to talk elsewhere- yes, that seemed better than him losing his composure due to rapid worries cluttering his mind in here.

"Virgil," Logan spoke to the man who sat on his dresser, which was one of the few items in the room, "could we talk?" The room was generally empty, only decorated with a comfy looking bed, a dresser, a bookcase, and a desk with a comfy looking chair, a lamp, and a laptop. There were two other doors in the room, one to his closet, another leading to his restroom. Of course the emo would choose to sit on his dresser over anything, scrolling through what Logan could only assume was Tumblr on his phone.

He raised a brow, "yeah? What's up, teach?" It was a nickname Virgil had started calling Logan, and it eventually stuck. The logical side cleared his throat, "I believe we should go somewhere else, first, as this discussion may take a while." Virgil could already see the faint darkness underneath his eyes, shadowed by his glasses. With a sigh, he shoved his phone in his pocket and pushed himself off the dresser.

Logan followed him out of the room, rather surprised that he'd been so compliant. Though he did have a bit of trouble keeping up with Virgil's oddly quick walking pace.

The darker side approached the cloudy door at the end of the hall- the Imagination, Roman had called it. Everyone had access to it, but Roman was the best at using it. He could create entire worlds and creatures with only a thought in his head, while Logan, the least skilled at it, could barely conjure up a book. Virgil was decent at it, having come here when he needed peace many times before. 

Once he stepped into the blinding white void, he closed his eyes and focused. Logan watched curiously as walls began to form around him and Logan, a blue-violet shade. The floors were black carpet, the ceiling a similar shade with lanterns hanging from it. The walls were mostly covered by various bookcases and paintings. And then, in the center of the room, a purple beanbag and a dark blue one.

It was common that whenever you were in the Imagination and physically close to someone, whatever you conjured would be a sort of fusion between you and the other. This appeared to be true in this circumstance, Logan noted. He'd have to study this later- now certainly wasn't the time.

"This is.. quite nice, Virgil," Logan complimented as the other side plopped himself on his own seat, Logan following suit so he was across from him. Virgil only shrugged, muttering, "it's nothing, really." He was never one for accepting compliments, likely the part of Thomas that often made him refuse to believe when someone said anything good about him.

"So," Virgil started, resting his face in his hands, "what'd you need to talk about?" Logan took a breath in, thinking of a way to phrase this without sounding too emotional or incriminating. He decided that being somewhat vague was suitable, stating, "it's about Patton."

Virgil motioned for him to go on, so he did. "After you and Roman fell into unconsciousness yesterday, I talked to Patton. It was a rather high temperature, so I told him to take his cardigan off, however he refused. Not wanting him to overheat, I went to take it off myself, and.. discovered that he injured himself. There were several scars on his arms, some cuts more recent than others."

The room became tense, and Logan started to wonder what he did wrong when Virgil sighed and nodded. "I should've known you'd find out eventually," he commented, looking uncertain but sincere. He continued, "Patton's been struggling with depression for a long time now, he told me about it. I've been doing my best to help him out, but it's hard. Last I checked, he was a week clean."

"Clean?" Logan's confusion was obvious. Virgil explained awkwardly, "it means that he hasn't, uh, injured himself." The logical side's face went a little red at how simple of a meaning it had, and nodded, staring down at his hands. He was quiet for a couple seconds, processing the information, storing it someplace suitable in his mind. Once done, he looked up at Virgil, and spoke hesitantly, "I'd like to assist, if you would be willing to help me understand."

The darker side seemed surprised, almost appreciative. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, carefully nodding. "Course," he said, "ask away. What do you want to know about it?" Statuses, for the first time, were switched. Virgil was the teacher and Logan was the student.

He felt like his first question was a little insensitive, but he asked it anyways. "Why do people.. harm themselves?"

"There's a lot of different reasons, Logan," Virgil spoke, shifting in his beanbag. He began to explain to the best of his abilities. "One reason is because they feel like they need to be punished for doing something they think is bad, or not being good enough. Some people do it to feel again because they feel empty otherwise. Some do it so they can feel in control of something in their life for once. And some do it to drown out emotional pain with physical." Seeing Logan lightly nod, conforming he understood, Virgil added, "there's more reasons, these are just some of them. Everyone's different."

He nodded a second time, thinking over the information and how it started to make sense in his head. Another question bounced through his head, so he questioned a little more confidently now, "what are the side affects of doing this?"

Virgil had to pause and figure out how to reply on this one. He gazed at one of the paintings hung on the wall as if it'd help him focus, and kept his eyes there as he spoke. "Again, it's different for everyone. Most people end up feeling guilty for it, and get nervous at any mention of their arms or how they hide it."

Another nod before Logan inquired, "how would one approach someone who has harmed themselves?"

The side seemed to think on this one, before shrugging and casually saying, "same way you'd talk to anyone else. Just because we've struggled and coped in a bad way before doesn't make us any different." Logan almost asked what Virgil meant by 'we've' and 'us' but decided against it. That was likely a very sensitive topic.

His next question was generally straightforward. "What disorders are typically related to this?"

"Depression, PTSD, and anxiety are some pretty common ones," his reply was quick, and he tried to glaze over his own trait so Logan wouldn't notice. Of course, the observant side did, judging by how his eyes widened slightly.

Logan considered his options. The same question floated around in his mind, but he worried that Virgil would get offended if he asked it. He could ask it and the conversation could end there and then, or Virgil could share some vital information on the subject- about himself. It'd probably be nice for the other to open up. If he didn't ask, he'd have to ask something else. Information is information, of course, but Logan was curious. Concerned. Was Virgil okay?

He acted on instinct, unable to stop the words from falling out of him. "Have you ever done it?"

Virgil appeared taken back by the question, light brown eyes widened, his gaze shooting off to the side. His skin even appeared to grow paler than it already was. His body tensed, and he hugged his jacket closer to himself.

Logan realized his mistake, reaching a hand out, "Virgil, I'm s-"

"No," he looked back to Logan, cutting him off, "no, it's fine. I trust you." For a moment, Logan was confused until he saw Virgil start pulling off his jacket.

Oh.

Once it was off and tied around his waist, he started to roll up his sleeves.

Oh.

The scars that were there were long and looked deep. They were faded, sure, but you could definitely see them. It was worse on his right arm, considering he was left handed like Thomas and Logan. Virgil refused to look down at them, keeping his eyes off to the side as the logical side appeared shocked.

".. is it okay if I-"

"Go ahead."

Hesitantly, Logan leaned forward and gently ran his hand over Virgil's right arm, surprised at the difference in texture from his unscathed skin. The scars were rough and felt almost like soft, subtle alligator skin. An odd comparison, sure, but that was the only thing remotely similar he could think of.

".. and this is why you always wear long sleeves and hoodies despite the weather?" A simple, obvious question that Virgil nodded in response to, hugging himself. "Yeah," he said, "I.. I'll start showing my arms when they fully heal, though I don't think that's gonna be for a while."

Logan's voice careful, he asked, "how long have you had them?"

The logical side could tell he was in for a story when Virgil sat back and looked up to the ceiling.

"Patton helped me a lot, actually," he started to explain, "before I met Patton.."

The memories flashed through his mind. Green, yellow, orange. Screaming, lying, hiding. He never got a second alone, never truly felt safe. Virgil always felt he didn't belong there- it wasn't right, he didn't fit in. The colors swirled all around him- so bright, too much. Too much noise. A splitting headache, distrust, hatred. Sobbing. Breaking. Shattering. It was all too loud, the headache pounded in his ears and he collapsed in the swirling, roaring darkness.

"I was in a bad place."

They hadn't been doing it on purpose, it just happened. It was too chaotic, too colorful, too noisy for the sensitive side to handle. So he packed up anything he found valuable, and he left.

"So I came to you guys- the Light Sides."

Virgil hadn't come out of his room since he decided to leave, until one day, he heard a little knock on his door. "Hello?" The voice carefully talked through the wood, "I don't know who you are, but I'm really excited to meet you. I'm Morality."

"And he was the one who kept talking to me even though he couldn't see me."

This routine was repeated for a few days. Morality would come by Virgil's door the same time each day and talk to him. He'd tell him about the other sides and what they were like, he'd explain everything they did together and how fun it was- how he wanted the stranger to join them. One day, he asked who the person on the other side of the door was. So quietly, so uncertainly, Virgil had uttered the word "anxiety." Morality was so estatic, so happy with the answer.

"He came to my room every day and brought me food so I wouldn't starve."

The familiar knock came from his door. "Anxiety?" The voice asked, "I brought you something, could you possibly open up so I could give it to you?" And Anxiety complied, cracking the door open just enough so Morality could hand him the bag of cookies. All Morality could see from his side was Anxiety's pale eyes and skin, and dark hair.

"He's the reason I came out of my room to meet you guys."

It'd been a month before Anxiety was finally ready. He'd seen Morality face to face, yet never left his room until now. That first step felt incredible, he remembered feeling so light on his feet as he held Morality's hand and followed him out to the living room. He remembered the shock Logic displayed and Creativity's disgust.

"When you and Roman didn't first accept me, he did."

Morality hung out in Anxiety's room every day, eventually growing completely immune to its affects. They talked and they laughed, and Anxiety eventually revealed his depression to Morality.

"He helped me stop."

He could still feel Morality's hands traveling so gently over his old scars, bandaging and caring so delicately for the new ones. Every time he found that Virgil had relapsed, he didn't get mad. He only encouraged Virgil to get better, and eventually, he did.

Logan listened to his story studiously, focused and a little eager to know more. When Virgil finished and looked to him for his response, Logan did something without thinking. He hugged him.

"I'm sorry I didn't accept you," Logan sighed- he'd been getting better at apologizes lately, "it was foolish of me to assume you were going to harm Thomas." Virgil found a faint smile forming on his face as he hugged back. "Hey, it's fine," he sympathized, "I wouldn't have trusted me either, honestly. And it's fine now anyways."

Logan released the other side and adjusted his position in the bean bag before debating, "I'm aware, but we really should've been better to you. I had no idea you had been hurting in that way." The darker side actually laughed, retorting, "yeah, that was kind of the point. I didn't want anyone to know, but I'm pretty okay with it now."

The logical side found himself wanting to ask if he was sure, but stopped himself upon realizing just how emotional he was being. How reactive. He took a breath to ground himself and nodded for what had to be at least the fifth time now, "okay. Thank you, Virgil. I believe that is all I needed to know."

Virgil hummed in response, starting to roll his sleeves back down. "Course," he answered, "I'm glad you want to help Patton. He's a good guy, he deserves to be happy. I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him." Logan's eyes widened once he realized what Virgil was implying, but he kept his lips sealed. He didn't want to think about it.

"Oh, also," Virgil spoke as the walls of the small room began to fade, revealing the rest of the void, "maybe don't tell Patton I told you, and don't tell Roman or Thomas. This isn't something they need to know." He untied the jacket around his waist and pulled it on, Logan stopping in his tracks.

He'd been considering telling Thomas, but now he wouldn't. He would respect Virgil's wishes. "Of course," he responded, starting to make his way to the exit of the Imagination. The other followed closely behind him, easily keeping up. However, he kept his hand on the doorknob and looked to Virgil.

"Please, if you are ever experiencing those emotions again, don't be afraid to contact me," he spoke gently, "I will help to the best of my abilities, as I don't believe Patton is in the mental state to be focusing on others before himself."

After a short moment of figuring out what Logan was saying, Virgil carefully nodded. "Yeah," he agreed with Logan, "I've been trying to hint at him seeing Emile with me, or even on his own, but he's stubborn and he doesn't want to." Logan raised a brow, curious, and asked, "you've been seeing Doctor Picani?"

Virgil nodded, "mhm. I'm seeing him again tomorrow, actually. Where did you think I went when I'd just leave for an hour once every week?” It suddenly clicked in Logan's head, and he let out a small "oh" of realization. The darker side just rolled his eyes, pushing Logan out of the way and opening the door.

"And yeah, I'll talk to you if it gets bad," he paused in the hallway, looking back at Logan. "Thanks for listening." The intelligent side didn't get a chance to respond, the emo already escaping to his room.

He had a lot to think about, and quite the amount of research to do. He still had some questions, still had to think over what he needed to say to Patton. Logan remained guilty over last night- god, he should've thought before saying or doing anything.

Passing the living room so he could return to his place of residence, he paused upon seeing Roman and Patton on the sofa. Roman held Patton in his arms, the light blue side lying on top of him. Both of them were asleep, an episode of Mickey Mouse playing on low volume on the television.

Jealousy surged through him, but he pushed it back, staring only a little longer before he continued the hallway. Why was he so upset- why did seeing them so close make him feel like he's seeing red? A sigh escaped him as he opened his door and made sure it closed tightly behind him.

He slid against the wood until he was sitting against it, and held his head in his hands.

Emotions were hard.


End file.
